Jan 31 '10,
7:00 am
I had promised my readers, whom I have failed in keeping my word of writing this diary regularly, that I shall one day write about my first ever crush. So it was essential for me to draft this post as early as possible to avoid this from losing in priority to other tasks and hence getting left incomplete.
I rewind back to Oct 21, 2007 the day I first saw her. It was Dussehra, the time that the Bongs find to be most disheartening. Three days of fun and gaiety finally moving into trance with the idols embracing muddy waters with nothing but the wooden frame afloat and aqueous ripples emanating and fading towards the bank like the moments of joy that we cherish in those three days . But unlike early dussehras, this time I wasn't going to be left disheartened, but shattered instead. Thanks to the girl that made me realise that everything I like is not within my reach always. It's however a matter of surprise and puzzle for me that she has been joining us for last many years, yet remained unnoticed by me. May be because I started staring at girls, shamelesly, only after I came to college, ya... this is mact-syndrome, precisely of M type, the most dreadful of it's kind.(M stands for mechanical)
Let's get back to the scene of crime, where Cupid shot me point blank. Destiny had planned the murder in cold blood.
I remember, so clearly as if it were yesterday, she was in a white attire, standing next to her mom. The sun had crept far enough to leave any traces of light in the sky. And smells of agaves(rajnigandha) tickling my olfactory senses added to the beauty of this serendipity. The halogen lights were shining bright, flashing at the idols that were ready to embark for the annual adieu. I was sitting aimlessly, but waiting for my friends, when suddenly my eyes caught the most subtle and serenely beautiful opus of God. I pegged my eyes on her for don't know how long but till I realised my stupidity. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat but was choked. I couldn't move an inch of my body, as if smitten by paralysis. I could feel the thump of my heart which was hammering on my chest. She was looking out for her father, perhaps, she tilted her countenance to every direction she could and caught my eyes. she didn't notice at the first encounter, but after a few more she sensed, which I realised through her discomfort in standing, the eerieness in my behaviour. I got a little jittery and quickly trudged away to a quieter place. The vicinity was not so romantic as it sounds to be, if at all it does. But this is how things appear to be, when you meet your crush for the first time. I bet whenever I saw her, that evening and eves to come, I was no better than a deer caught in a headlight. I talked to her in a stifled tongue, tried to make myself as comfortable as i could but in vain.She made me feel trivial everytime I stood in front of her.
The very next year I gathered courage and talked to her. I was still shivering at the time of year when people have their sweaters stuffed deep inside their cupboards. Anyway I asked her for her phone number, she gave it to me without any hesitation. But unfortunately I rarely called her up, how idiotic it sounds, yes I am a loser in this regard... As one of my friend argues, that if i look deep into my memories then I'll find many more girls that I can call my crush. So I did, but found none.
The reason why I am writing about this on 31st of Jan is because an year ago, on this very date, I talked to her for the last time. The last time I sat next to her. After this, I never saw her again. I don't know where she went, neither do I want to. I don't know if I should regret for not stepping forth or should I thank destiny for doing this to me. For now I seem to be more composed and thoughtful, not to forget the word 'human' while talking to stranger girls, as another friend pointed out. Now I can hope my friend( the same I just mentioned of)will not refer to this girl as pathetic . :-D
